Analytical Writing (1)
In preparation for the GRE, I’m going to be posting writing samples in hopes that you feel like providing some constructive criticism on the quality of the work.
Scores for this section range from 1 to 6, 6 being the best possible response. Here’s what ETS is looking for, in a nutshell. Did I…
- consider the complexities and implications of the issue?
- organize, develop, and express your ideas about the issue?
- support your ideas with relevant reasons and examples?
- control the elements of standard written English?
And here’s a more comprehensive scoring guide (for instance, what constitutes a “6″ essay), and here’s even more than you ever wanted to know about scoring a writing section.
There are two essays per test and they are graded as a pair, but I’m going to post them on my blog one at a time and would humbly request they be graded individually. Please don’t feel like you have to be all official about it; any comments and criticisms are welcome.
So, there it is. Your feedback is greatly appreciated!
Page 386, Present your perspective on an issue
Most of the people we consider heroes today were, in fact, very ordinary
people who happened to be in the right place at the right time.
Being a hero may involve being in the right place at the right time, but it is much more than that. The aspect of luckiness must be met with sufficient preparation. Being heroic is possible when opportunity strikes but only for those who have done their homework. And only extraordinary people have the drive for the proper amount of preparation required to be a hero.
Ghandi took a stance on human rights and stuck to it. He met with people and used his years of experience as a kind, benevolent, empathic person to lead and guide peaceful protests. His efforts were indeed ready when the time was right, but he was ready when he was needed.
Richard Stallman is a popular figure in the geek community. He travels the world and preaches that computer software should be free like speech is free: that you should be able to modify it even if you have to pay for it. Had he not extensive experience as a software engineer and an education from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, he would not be credible as a speaker in the world of software.
Civil servants such as firemen and the police often risk their lives, hence, often become heroes. But no fireman or policewoman would be given a ladder or gun without many hours of training on how to properly use it. These people are extraordinary.
The news sometimes features stories like “Cat saves owner’s life by calling 9-1-1.” This type of contribution is definitely lucky. That cat was in the right place at the right time! Cuddles or Frisky or Jinxie may even be a hero to some, but the story is sensational and singular. That cat is not my hero.
Perhaps the author had other more ordinary and less-prepared heroes in mind when writing the statement at hand. My heroes are different. Only by much practice and focus are they ready when the time comes to be a hero.